


Please Don't Be A Hero

by Fi_Quinn



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Study, Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), Gen, Mia Smoak Character Study, POV Mia Smoak, Sadness, goobyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22231225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fi_Quinn/pseuds/Fi_Quinn
Summary: Mia doesn't know what to say when her father tells her he has to leave to die in Crisis— she doesn't know what to say, except that her father is leaving her to be a vigilante, for the second time.
Relationships: Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak (mentioned)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Please Don't Be A Hero

Mia stared in horror at her father, watching him gear up. She knew what he was heading into, defeating the Anti-Monitor, prepared to die. She blinked away tears watching as her father turned to her, his eyes filled with sadness and regret.

“I’m sorry, Mia, that I have to do this.” His voice cracked and he looked away from Mia, but Mia pushed on, angry. She deserved more time with her father for years and years she’d missed, she’d grown to care too much about him to lose him. It was just like the way she had lost Zoe, unable to do anything to save her. Lost, helpless, staring at him as if she was nothing, meant nothing. 

“Don’t go.” Her father shook his head, but Mia kept talking. “Don’t go. Don’t leave me here, alone. What about Mom? What about William?”

Her father smiled sadly. “I’m doing all of this for you Mia, for William, for your mother, and the little girl out there growing up to be you.”

“No.” Mia cut in, angry, so angry. “You’re doing this for  _ you _ . To be a hero. Stop acting like this is an act of selflessness. This is for you, don't pretend to hide it.”

She was sick of this. Her father had, and would, sacrifice his life for the cause. Zoe has sacrificed her life for the cause. Her mother had pushed the cause, her entire family had. They didn’t understand the toll it took, to lose everyone she had ever loved. How was it fair, that they all died, for this stubborn belief they had built up, for their worship of martyrdom?   
  


The world would never remember them for their accomplishments, no, only for their deaths. Their random, broken deaths that did nothing to fill the void that was left within her heart, the numbness. She had gotten so used to leaving, but there was a glaring future ahead of her. She’d had an actual life— a mother, a father, a brother, friends— and now it came down to this. Her father would always choose everyone else above her, she would never be good enough for the people in this world. She would never live up to the standards they imposed on her. 

She was alone for now, and forever. A vigilante was always a vigilante first, and a father, brother, sister, friend second. It never mattered as much, not when a hero instinct kicked in, when saving the day mattered, and she was put at risk for the life of a stranger. Mia had grown up without a father. She’d grown up with a mother who’d prepared her entire life because they’d chosen to be vigilantes, to put her at danger to fill some selfish part of themselves. They needed the attention, the fame, the recognition sparked in everyone’s eyes but her own. She was always second, never first, never good enough. _Never_ good enough. 

“This is for  _ you _ ,” her father said, staring into her eyes. “You'll understand it someday, that my sacrifice will lead to you and your safety. You, your mother, William, I’m doing this to keep all of you safe. The Anti-Monitor doesn’t care. The Anti-Monitor will destroy everyone if I don’t do this.” 

“I don’t care about everyone,” Mia said harshly. She didn’t care if she sounded selfish, that was the truth. At the end of the day, she cared more about her family than anyone else. They would always be first in her life, even if she would never be first in theirs. 

“You don’t mean that,” her father said, sighing. Mia grew angrier. He had always dismissed her opinions as childish because he saw her as a little girl, as incapable. Because he hadn’t been there when she’d grown up, when she learned how to fight, when she became Black Star. He’d made his choice, yes, but that choice had left her alone, with only a mother. It had left her to discover her brother and her friends as an adult, it had left her to grow bitter, yes, but he didn’t care. It seemed he never would. “Mia, you’ve fought for Star City, so how could you possibly say that?” 

She sighed, flicking her eyes down before staring back at him. “I say that because all my choices have put my friends and family first. I have never been in it for this psyched up idea that you seem to have that dying in a war makes you a hero, makes you a martyr. It makes you stupid, selfish, for leaving the world after you.” 

“I’m leaving you in good hands, Mia. You will be alive to tell the story, to succeed me.” 

“I don’t care about succeeding you!” Her voice echoed in the empty room as she stared at him, throwing her hands up in the air of frustration. “I have never cared about being the Green Arrow, _you_ are the Green Arrow, and you will always be. You left me alone for nineteen years, to grow up with just mom. And I did a terrible job of it, alone, just because you two had romanticized the idea of being a vigilante. Mom risked my safety to be a vigilante, you know? I was never enough, never important enough, never loved enough for anyone to realize that your deaths meant me growing up the way I did!” 

Her father stared at her, bewildered, and she could feel his confusion in the convoluted way he saw the world. He always saw the world as a problem that needed to be fixed, but it was always him who had to fix the problem, to carry the burden alone. He did what he wanted, he was doing exactly what he had done, and he was leaving her alone. He was leaving her alone and somewhere out there was the newborn her who would never truly know her father. 

After recovering his senses, her father sighed. “Mia, I hope you understand one day that what I’m doing is really for you.” 

She shook her head, trying so hard not to cry. Mia was trying so hard not to mourn her father, not to lose him a second time to the illusion of heroism that he was running into. He was running into a chaotic battle that he knew meant his death, and he was still going. He was willing to abandon his two children, his wife, his friends, his world, for this stupid belief in his own worth, in the idea that the fate of the world could rest on the death of one person. “It’s never for me, don’t you understand that! It’s for you,” she said, a tear falling down her tear and she wiped it away quickly. “I’ve never been good enough, never fit your standards!” 

Her father sighed, giving her a small smile. “You will never understand how much I love you.” 

Mia sighed, shaking her head, and looked away. Trying to make sure her dad didn’t see her tears, didn’t see her crying. This was how he died, how they lost, how they all lost. This was history being fulfilled, her dad choosing the Green Arrow over Mia Smoak, Felicity Smoak, and William Clayton. This was the truth about what it was like being a hero, dying because of choice. Dying because it was romanticized to be martyrdom. Dying for a dream, dying for everything. 

Then there were real tears, falling down her face. She had enjoyed the time with her father so much, more than she would ever admit. It was the gift she had always wanted to know what Star City was, to know her family. Her father had the same fighting need that breathed through her body, and he'd shown her a part of her that Mia had never before understood. He had trained her, been a real father, and she'd gotten to see what her life could have been like .

  
But even knowing Mia, her father had decided to let himself die. To let his daughter grow up without a father, to grow up filled with hatred and self-loathing.   
  
  
Dying because Mia wasn’t enough for anyone to ever stay. 

Mia brushed her tears away slowly, but when she looked back, her father was gone. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I recently have found Mia Smoak a really compelling character, and just was wondering what a candid conversation between her and her father about Crisis would look like, given everything. 
> 
> Any kudos, comments, or bookmarks are appreciated :)


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